apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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