hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
