One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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