I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
