I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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