It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
