I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize