She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
