We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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