How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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