I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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