hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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