You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
