Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
