at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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