Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
