that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
