I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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