you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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