quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
