Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
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I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
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The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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