On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
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The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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