ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
