How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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