he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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