No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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