Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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