Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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