I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
