They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
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one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
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My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..