My friends, they love my intelligence
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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