in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
honey bunches of taint.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
