my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
