Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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