my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
