Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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