I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
