i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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