I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
