seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
