I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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