filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
