hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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