It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
