so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
