that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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