Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
