you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
