Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
