4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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