I feel like abortions should bother me more
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
