I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
