i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
