Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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