and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I AM VODKA MAN
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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