Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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