She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
