My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
