I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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