seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Of course I have a pirate flag
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
All the doctor said was why
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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