I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Holy shit dude........stairs
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
