i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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