Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
