I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
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It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
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If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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