I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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