the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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