My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
