I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
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