He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
