Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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