hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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