And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
