i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
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Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
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What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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