So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
