I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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