marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
