I wish I could punch you in the face.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
