I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
