a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize