my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
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it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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