I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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