I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
