At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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