doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
