i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
