I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
