so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
