So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
